Table Manners?

[Samuel]

Let's talk about these rules, because different nations have different table manners. The eating etiquette also includes the use of utensils and sometimes there are MANY utensils on the table. I went to France on a business trip and I learned some local rules:
- you must have both hand above the table, I don't know why, this is strange
- it's impolite to ask for salt/pepper when you're eating at another's residence; it's an insult as I remember.

[Denton15]

If you are going to visit a different country it would be polite to find out about their rules and customs first so that you do not cause offence. I hate it when people make a noise when they are eating and I think it is very rude to eat with your mouth open.

[liowkc]

If you are going to visit a different country it would be polite to find out about their rules and customs first so that you do not cause offence. I hate it when people make a noise when they are eating and I think it is very rude to eat with your mouth open.

You are spot on the need to knowing other countries' customs. If you slurp your soup or noodles in most countries, it is very rude. But in Japan, you are to do this to show appreciation for the chef/host.

[Manuela]

Table manners are very important, but so many countries have so different rules and customs that it sometimes becomes very confusing... In Italy it is impolite to ask for the salt or pepper. In America "could you please pass the salt" is very polite. I wish they would just come to a world-wide agreement somehow...

[Mancook]

I can only think of one thing when it comes to table manner and that is not talking while your mouth is full. I’m sorry to say that I’m not that familiar with table manners from around our country. My parents never teach us some table manners but only the one that I have told you about.

[Denton15]

My parents taught me to sit still at the table, never to put my elbows on the table, not to speak while my mouth is full, not to eat and drink at the same time, not to play with my food, to put my knife and fork apart on the plate between mouthfuls and when I had finished eating to put my knife and fork together in the plate. I don't always observe the rule about elbows, but I stick to most of the others.

[she_cookie]

I too got used to all these rules, even when i eat alone.
I also found out it's rude to excuse yourself if you are just getting bored or something, it's always nice to sit at the table until everyone else finishes eating.

[Soozie]

Being from Europe, I thought I might explain those 'strange' manners you were talking about.

Not asking for salt and pepper is nice, because, if you're a guest, you're supposed to try and taste your host's food the way they cook it, not just cook it yourself in your plate. If we ask for salt and spices, we might as well go like Erm please give me some salt, pepper, some oil if you have, another type of bread, some cream and then a few herbs, thanks - this means ruining the intended food.

There are many ustensils on the table, like forks and knives, because they are especially designed to help you eat the dishes they are meant for. If you've never used them before, you should start from the exterior and work your way in, as different dishes are served. If you can't imagine a way of using them, quietly observe the others and start eating a minute after.

The full mouth and elbows NOT on the table rules are obvious, so I will not insist.

A different thing is the napkin thing. In the US, it is considered very polite to place it in one's lap. In Europe, that would be delirious and ridiculous, because you're not protecting your crotch here, but wiping your mouth every now and then. So, it is placed on the table, somewhere handy.

And no switching the fork from right to left, guys! The knife should stay in your right hand, your fork in the left. You use them to cut solid food one piece at a time as you eat it (don't chop everything in advance and then switch your fork in the right hand so you can scoop more easily).

Oh, and remember: they might look complicated at first, but manners are your friends: they are there in order to help you.

[Denton15]

Being from Europe, I thought I might explain those 'strange' manners you were talking about.

A different thing is the napkin thing. In the US, it is considered very polite to place it in one's lap. In Europe, that would be delirious and ridiculous, because you're not protecting your crotch here, but wiping your mouth every now and then. So, it is placed on the table, somewhere handy.

And no switching the fork from right to left, guys! The knife should stay in your right hand, your fork in the left. You use them to cut solid food one piece at a time as you eat it (don't chop everything in advance and then switch your fork in the right hand so you can scoop more easily).

In England we place the napkin on our lap, someone who is very eccentric may tuck it in their collar like a bib but that is unusual. It would be incorrect to leave it on the table.

We are much more relaxed about left handed people these days. When I was a child in 1960 I was forced to eat and write right handed despite being naturally left handed. It is bad manners to use your fork like a spoon or to bring your knife to your mouth.

I was taught to put my salt on the side of my plate rather than to sprinkle it on the food because that was more polite, but this is rarely done now.

[teamforce]

For me there are simply too many customs and table manners to remember in different parts of the world to remember. I made it a point to read up on a country's particular norms and no-no before a trip.

[Semigourmet]

I try to be good at the table, I do put my napkin in my lap, I keep my fork in my left hand (Tines down), I use the knife to scoop veggies and such on top of my fork NEVER my finger, I try to remember to scoop my soup away from me not toward me, and I don't slurp it. Never overfill my mouth and never chew with my mouth open, don't push your plate away when finished, put napkin on seat when leaving the table during the meal, and tucking it under the edge of the plate when I am done. I try to keep from touching my face or hair while at the table unless cleaning my mouth with my napkin. After that I hope I don't offend anyone at the table.

[gwydion]

I'm British and my wife is West African so I'm used to knives, forks, spoons, soup spoons, bread knives etc. But I am also left handed and always swap my knife and fork around.

My wife is used to sharing food in the middle of the table and everyone tucking in either with hands or with spoons (and only using the right hand to eat). She's more relaxed on my using my left hand now... We tend to alternate meals between European and West African style and using the appropriate manners to accompany the right meal. But it can get confusing, especially if we have guests coming round!

[Advoca]

A different thing is the napkin thing. In the US, it is considered very polite to place it in one's lap. In Europe, that would be delirious and ridiculous, because you're not protecting your crotch here, but wiping your mouth every now and then. So, it is placed on the table, somewhere handy.



I have lived in Europe all my life but I have never heard of this rule or seen it in action. Every country I have lived in folks put their napkin on their lap. In some places, France in particular, a few people tuck their napkin under their chin (like they do in the US when eating lobster!) but in 2009 this is considered an indicator of ignorance of good manners and behaviour suitable for a small child.

The only time a napkin is put on the table is when you have finished a restaurant meal and are leaving (and you do not fold it up either. It is not going to be used again). However, when staying as a guest in a private house the napkin is folded and put in a marked ring so you can use your own used napkin for the next meal.

In England, there are many other rules. The knife and fork must never touch the table, and once you have picked up your knife you must never put it down to eat with the fork only. Also, you must not use your fork as a spoon. My mother always corrected me when I was a child by saying sternly, "The concavity of the fork has no significance,"

[Advoca]

My parents taught me to sit still at the table, never to put my elbows on the table, not to speak while my mouth is full, not to eat and drink at the same time, not to play with my food, to put my knife and fork apart on the plate between mouthfuls and when I had finished eating to put my knife and fork together in the plate. I don't always observe the rule about elbows, but I stick to most of the others.

I think the rule is not simply, " Do not put your elbows on the table." I have dined with the Queen (of England) and she put her elbows on the table occasionally. The rule, as I understand it, is, "Do not convey food to your mouth while your elbows are on the table."

And talking about crossing your knife and fork on the plate, it depends if you are being waited on (in Britain). Crossed knives and forks mean that you want some more. If the knives and fork are put parallel, closely side by side, it means you have finished and the plate may be taken away.

[neonle]

Table manners is very important and quite interesting to know. Everyone would try be well mannered in the dine. Though it varies from each nation, i have heard most of them saying don't talk while u r eating and when u r inviting some one for meal u should not have until the guests start to have the meal and moreover should not leave the table until your guests or friends finish. But there are quite numerous rules and customs which everyone should know. I got some idea from the above post. Thank you.

[neonle]

the first thing about table manners is you should take only a small quantity of all items and u should use only spoke and spoon while eating.

[giecay]

First, you have to wash your hands before you eat. Having table manner is the important thing to know no matter what country custom represent it is. Not only knowing what and where to use the utensils but proper behavior is also very important the way that don't talk while your mouth is full. Chewing the food in a right amount. And asking salt and pepper is okay.

[Big Daddy's House]

There is this little boy I know.

He has very poor table manners as well. He picks his nose and then puts his fingers in his mouth, makes noise with the chair and tips it back while sitting in it. He fell and hit the back of his head on the floor once doing this! Thank God he was alright and he didn't get hurt at all!!

While children might not know better, this kid is sometimes very obnoxious and rude! I told him that if he does not see the errors of his ways, that he will no longer be going out with me. We'll see what else happens.

He likes to embarrass, poke fun at and backtalk myself and the other kids who are with me! Either he change his mean & nasty ways, or he will NOT go out with me!! He DOES have some behavioral problems though, and I try to teach him better.

[elvis2010]

Just like for the national anthem, these days you have to remind the younger generation to take their damn hats off at the table!

[Giulia]

Well, I eat with my fork with my right hand (better eating with the fork in the right hand than putting food everywhere around the plate and on the floor !) but when I cut some food with my knife, I put my fork in my left hand and use my right one to cut.

Having more than one fork is for formal meals, but when you eat casually with friends or with your family, you have one fork and one knife (except if you have a dish with fish, in this case, you can have a fork and a knife for fish which goes with "normal" ones).

About manners, my male parent (I don't consider him like my father, he has never behaved like a father) never accepted my Single Sided Deafness (he considered that doctors have invented it to take guilt off from my mom), so when I couldn't hear or background noise was impossible for me to the point it hurts, he was making fun.
I did cut definitively any kind of contact with him and his spouse (she is also very mean), and I try legally speaking to find ways he'll never ask the possibility to ask me money to help him (he doesn't help my mom, he never accepted I'm not the perfect child he wanted to. I was just like an object for him, like a pen you use when you want to, and throw away when you want to).
I may seem like not listening, but I listen whereas I am doing something else (this ADHD drives me crazy sometimes...). As a baby, I cried loudly very easily when there were people, and many people (including doctors, but also school teachers etc) told that mom is not able to raise me (one stupid told even me that mom should have given me away to adoption, because my SSD is because she has given a slap ! Fortunately, my great ENT doctor (one of the French reference specialists for SSD, but he hates when we tell him he's a reference !!) told me : "Foutaise !" (French-English dictionary says it translates into English by "Crap !"). Another so-told-good-friend told me a few months ago that he's unable to be a ENT doctor because he told me that carry out a pregnancy may worsen my deafness (the geneticist told me the same, and this geneticist is the only one which cares for congenital and genetic deafness on adults), she told me that because she wanted absolutely to make up my mind about the decision of refusing pregnancy with a SSD, but I stayed inflexible : she believes to be the greatest doctor of the world, but I'd had known it for a long time if a diploma to teach French (like you have English teachers) in a secondary school makes you a physician !)...
And I have plenty of stories like that to tell !!!!

[wlb1]

The coffee cup and saucer is placed to the right of the place setting, to the right of the furthest utensil. Since most people are right-handed, the handle should face to the right.

[jackspin007]

In England we place the napkin on our lap, someone who is very eccentric may tuck it in their collar like a bib but that is unusual. It would be incorrect to leave it on the table.

[abi_csi]

My parents taught me to sit still at the table, never to put my elbows on the table, not to speak while my mouth is full, not to eat and drink at the same time, not to play with my food, to put my knife and fork apart on the plate between mouthfuls and when I had finished eating to put my knife and fork together in the plate. I don't always observe the rule about elbows, but I stick to most of the others.

This is exactly what I was taught and I abide by as many as I can excepting the elbows on table as sometimes you get very involved in dinner convo!

[chefmeister]

burping at the table is polite anywhere you go ;-)

[Darkginger]

The most important thing about table manners is to remember that you should do your utmost to make your guests feel comfortable. Yes, there are rules about which knife and fork to use, how to hold your knife (index fnger along the top), your fork (always tines down, even for peas!), elbows (my grandmother used to say 'the only joint on the table should be carved') - but if a guest fails to display standard etiquette, the most impolite thing to do would be to make them aware of it.

As for the salt and pepper thing - there's a reason for salt and pepper sets, they're designed to be put on the table, and that would be silly if they weren't expected to be used! I always tell my guests that we try to eat only a little salt (my husband has blood pressure issues) and to please feel free to augment their food if they feel the need. That way, everyone's happy.

I do, however, always pass the port on the left ;)

[Azazel]

Here in the UK, if you are having a formal dinner there are loads of such table manners. Not talking with your mouth full is one, ALWAYS hold your fork in your left hand and knife in your right (i believe in America its acceptable to, if just using your fork, switch it to the right), put your napkin on your knee, not tuck it into your collar, keep any conversation at the dinner tale to the people sat immediately around you, never slurp soup, always have the fork upside down when eating from it, so the back of the fork is facing up. It is also rude to leave anything left on your plate.
When serving food directly to a person's place at the table, always place it from the right and take away from the left i think, although that might be the other way round, not too sure
these are only ever really observed for formal dinners though, apart from things like talking with your mouth full, which i think it the worst one of them all

[Semigourmet]

I try to be good at the table, I do put my napkin in my lap, I keep my fork in my left hand (Tines down), I use the knife to scoop veggies and such on top of my fork NEVER my finger, I try to remember to scoop my soup away from me not toward me, and I don't slurp it. Never overfill my mouth and never chew with my mouth open, don't push your plate away when finished, put napkin on seat when leaving the table during the meal, and tucking it under the edge of the plate when I am done. I try to keep from touching my face or hair while at the table unless cleaning my mouth with my napkin. After that I hope I don't offend anyone at the table.


Let me just add that I too HATE when people talk with their mouths full or SMACK their food! EEK!! Especially when they are with kids and knowing that they too will think that it's acceptable to do that!! also Moaning and groaning while eating. ICK!

Also I too was taught not to put elbows on the table, no talking while chewing (chew with mouth closed) don't chew and drink a the same time. etc..

Reading up on some table manners I also learned that it's a no no to place a knife that has already been used on the table or ramp style up to the edge of your plate. you should lay the knife on the edge of your plate sharp edge facing in towards your pate.

[abi_csi]

I think there is a level of respect that you give when eating with others at the table but I don't like formal dining and ridiculous rules of etiquette, it just makes people feel awkward and not able to be themselves.

[monroeweiss]

My wife has that one down pat...I cook dinner every nite-from scratch,
so it takes awhile 1.5 hrs to crank out typical dinner.
when we sit down to eat both me and my boy are starvingggg
(I come from a Food Service operator Background and learned over the years to
chow!!!-Quickly--On the Fly--and then back to operating...)
Needless to say both he and I eat pretty darn quick-My lovely wife on the other hand..... is slowwww as molasses.
I used to sit at the table with her (Often using "the force" to get her to eat faster---all to no avail...
I have finally given up---
it is more productive to get up and clean up kitchen so I can relax for a short time before hitting the sack.
My wife used to have a deal with me-I cook, she cleans up-----
"Used to" is the Key Phrase----I think she has out smarted me :)

[Big Daddy's House]

Here's one;

While in the job training program, I always sat at the same table with a coworker who is in a wheelchair. We became close friends and always sat together for break & lunch.

Another guy would come over and while eating some food, he would stick out his tongue with some of the chewed food on it!!!! How revolting and gross is that?!!!!!

[natt12321]

I think there is a level of respect that you give when eating with others at the table but I don't like formal dining and ridiculous rules of etiquette, it just makes people feel awkward and not able to be themselves.

I recently went to a black tie dinner and you have just summed up perfectly how I felt! I don't have bad table manners, but all of the rules at formal occasions make it sooo uncomfortable!

[eddietaylor09]

very nice informative forum post, thank you
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